All or Nothing
by GleeRanger
Summary: Third part in the trilogy that contains "Teacher" & "Living on a Prayer". M/M, mature rating. No hints in the summary, sorry! If you've read the first two, you know how it goes. Now Complete!
1. Chapter 1: Runaway Train

A/N: So the start of the final part of the trilogy. I am kinda sad, honestly. I feel once I'm done with this, I can't write another Glee fic. I know that isn't true, but I honestly have put I think eight months into this already (with a good sized break there but still).

Obviously this is AU, has been AU from the start since Kurt never went to Dalton. The reason I bring this up is because of the fact that this will come into play in this fic.

Title is inspired by Cher's song _All or Nothing_. Will that song come into play in this fic? Maybe!

Each chapter will have a name this time, each inspired by a song.

Also, just because I labeled this a Finn/Will story, doesn't mean that it will be. It could be that I just want to keep it together with the other two when searched for.

Anyways, here we go!

_All or Nothing – Chapter 1: Runaway Train_

I sat at my desk, tapping my fingers. The clock ticked slowly by. The person next to me tried talking to me about the day's events, but I was too focused on willing the clock to move faster, so that I could go home, and just relax.

Finally, five o'clock hit, and I almost ran out the door. I pushed through the people on the street, blasting my Ipod as I went. It was a twenty-block walk home, but it was a nice one. It was cold, but not like Ohio would be this time of year. Portland was more mild, but it was wet. Oh well, better than a blizzard right?

I reached home about 5:30, and headed up the walkway to our townhouse. The smell of baked chicken, homemade mac'n'cheese, and vegetables came through the kitchen to the front door. I smiled as I put up my coat, and took off my wet shoes.

"Smells delicious!" I called out.

"Well it should!" a voice called from the kitchen. "I've been working on it all day!"

I walked into the kitchen. "Oh please Kurt. You had classes until 3. You've been working on it for two and a half hours."

"Well that's two and a half hours I'm never getting back and you better enjoy this dinner." My stepbrother shot me a look. "I'm serious. I've cooked every night this week. After tonight, it is your turn."

"Yes ma'am!"

"Now look, just because I dress up every now and then like a woman, Finn Hudson, doesn't mean you can call me ma'am." Kurt smirked.

Kurt had been my roommate since the year after I left Ohio. He had one more year to go of high school after me, and it was a good thing he came when he did. I had left Ohio right after graduation, looking to get as far away as I could. Oregon seemed like a great choice. Portland State University was a good school, and it meant not having to have daily reminders of Will Schuester.

I had moved in to the dorms for the first year, but then funding got cut, and I couldn't get a place in the dorms the second year. Unfortunately, with how nice Portland is, it can also come with a nice price tag on an apartment. Enter Kurt.

PSU had a great music program, so he moved out here with me. We both got part time jobs, and with loans, we were able to afford a good-sized apartment. After I graduated with a bachelors in accounting, we moved into the townhouse we were in now. A year later, Kurt graduated, and was now getting certified as a teacher at a local high school.

"By the way," Kurt said, stirring the vegetables he had going on the stove, "your mom called today."

I groaned. I had a horrible relationship with my mom now. Well, at least I did. I think she thought we were still cool and I was just too busy to talk to her. I just never could forgive her for being a mom and doing what a mom should do and put her foot down about Will. I made it through the year and a half of high school after Will left, barely having a conversation with her. Since I had moved to Portland, I had been home exactly four times. Once for Kurt's graduation, once for Christmas the next year which Kurt had dragged me to, once for Burt's fiftieth birthday, and once for the birth of our half sister. Yeah, Mom and Burt had a baby. Kayla Hummel. Kurt and I got to name her. She was now two years old, but I had only seen her that once, plus a time Burt came to visit. Mom said she needed her own vacation from the baby, since she was a stay-at-home mom now. I think it was that she didn't want to deal with the tension that was always there.

"Finn, you need to call her. Seriously. You need to just put Will Schuester behind you."

"Whatever. Is dinner almost ready?"

"Yeah," Kurt gave up. "So how was work?"

"Same ol', same ol'. I don't know why I thought becoming an accountant would be good."

"Because it affords us this townhouse."

"Are we going to live together the rest of our lives?"

"God I hope not. I plan on finding a sugar daddy."

"I thought that is what I was?"

"Sugar daddy implies sexual relations. And… while I would have been all for that in high school…"

"You still want me."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "While you have become better looking since high school, thanks to me and my gym routine no doubt, my romantic passion for you has been replaced by my brotherly love for you. Which is why I've invited a friend over tonight."

I groaned again. Kurt was just full of bad news tonight.

"A friend? Is this a set up?"

"Why Finn! Why would you think that?" Kurt exclaimed.

"Because the last time you brought a friend over, it was that guy Barry. And Barry was a flaming queen. And then you left us alone, and he tried making out with me. He slobbered all over my face. It was like kissing a dog."

"Well this friend isn't like that."

"Kurt…" I groaned.

"Finn Hudson!" Kurt slammed down his spatula. "You have been single for seven years now! You need a boyfriend!"

"We've had this discussion. I'm happy being single."

"You're the only one who is happy with you being single. None of us feel like we can date without worrying if you're going to be left out."

"And who is us?"

"Me. Brit. Tina. Even Mike felt weird bringing his girl around last Christmas."

"No one is asking you guys to feel weird."

"Finn, we just want to see you happy."

I sighed. It was a losing battle. They just didn't get that I wanted to be single. I hadn't had sex in five years. The only reason it wasn't seven years was that I got drunk at a party and ended up sleeping with this guy I didn't know. I regretted it, but blamed the alcohol. No one had even piqued my interest.

The doorbell rang, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'll get it," Kurt sang as he frolicked to the door. I rolled my eyes, and sighed in the miserable anticipation of tonight. A minute passed and then Kurt reappeared at the kitchen entryway.

"Finn, this is Blaine. Blaine, this is my stepbrother, Finn."

The curly haired brunette walked into the kitchen, smiling and greeting me, and at that moment, in walked the only person in seven years to pique my interest, and it only took five seconds and a smile.


	2. Chapter 2: Whatta Man

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

_All or Nothing – Chapter 2: Whatta Man_

"So Kurt tells me you're an accountant?" Blaine said, staring at me from across the kitchen table.

"Yeah… kinda boring," I said, pushing my mashed potatoes around. I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes. I felt like I did when I first admitted that I liked Will, except that I didn't even know this guy. Kurt had never talked about him, and I didn't even know if he was truly gay. Well, strike that. I knew he was. Otherwise, Kurt never would've invited him over and pretended that he was just inviting a friend over for dinner. It was a setup, plain and simple. And this time, I didn't mind.

"I wouldn't say it's boring," Blaine responded.

"Blaine's a math teacher at the school I'm working at," Kurt smiled.

"Well, student teacher. Still a year away from certification. But I get a lot of freedom in teaching, so it's nice. Have you ever thought about teaching, Finn?"

"Nah. I'm not good at public speaking."

"That's not what Kurt said. He said you were the lead of the glee club in high school. So was I."

I glanced up from my mashed potato mountain. "Really?"

"Yeah. We were called the Warblers. It was cool. Never won any titles like you guys did though."

We made small talk about glee club throughout the rest of dinner. Kurt cleaned up while Blaine and I drank coffee in the living room.

"So, you know this was a setup right?" Blaine asked. I blushed.

"Yeah. Kurt has been trying to get me to start dating for a while now."

"Why haven't you two hooked up?"

I about spit out my coffee. "Yeah, that isn't going to happen. Kurt had a crush on me in high school, but I never returned the feelings. Then we became best friends, and then brothers. I think if we were going to get together, it would've happened by now. Kurt really isn't my type."

Blaine raised his eyebrows at me. "So what is your type?"

I blushed again. "I don't really know honestly. I've only ever had one boyfriend. Before that, it was just girls."

"One boyfriend? Wow. He must've been special."

"It was… interesting."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

I shrugged. "Not much to tell really. He broke my heart. I can't blame him. I did something stupid. It is a long story."

"Well maybe I can hear it sometime. Right now, I have to get going. Early meeting with my supervising teacher tomorrow. I really enjoyed meeting you."

Blaine put his cup of coffee down and stood up. I stood up and followed him to the door.

"Yeah, I enjoyed meeting you too. Would love to see you again sometime." Did those words really just come out of my mouth? Mr. no I don't want to meet anyone?

"Definitely," Blaine smiled. "Bye Kurt!" He called out.

"Bye! See you tomorrow!" Kurt called from the kitchen, and Blaine gave me one last smile as he left. Kurt came out of the kitchen a short while later while I still stood at the door.

"That's what I thought," he said.

I turned and glared. "What?"

"I knew Blaine would be your type."

"I don't have a type Kurt."

"Oh but I can see the wheels turning in both of your heads."

"Why don't you want him?"

"He's not my type."

I stared at Kurt for a moment. "Hold it. Did you hit on him and he turned you down?"

Kurt turned bright red and went back into the kitchen while I followed to tease him more.


	3. Chapter 3: Here Comes the Rain Again

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

_All or Nothing – Chapter 3: Here Comes The Rain Again_

A week went by as normal. During the weekend, Kurt and I did our shopping for the week, and he tried to get me to go clothes shopping but I continued to refuse. I just wasn't like Kurt when it came to clothes. I still liked my flannel, my jeans, and my vests.

I went to work during the week, just doing my job as an accountant for a CPA firm. I really hadn't made too many friends at work except this one girl, Hayley, who started around the same time I did so we just sorta bonded. She was the only one at the firm that knew I was gay, as she had tried to ask me out, but I had to turn her down. She asked me if I was gay, and I blushed, so she got her answer. So we chatted when we could, but the job itself was very repetitive.

I got out of work early on Thursday afternoon, and decided on my way home to stop in a local coffee shop. I pulled out a book, and sipped my latte when I felt a presence behind me.

"Whatcha reading?" the voice said. I looked up, and Blaine was standing there.

"Hey. Um, nothing really. Just some book my friend Tina had me borrow."

An awkward silence started as he stood behind me, cup in hand.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked.

"Only if you want the company."

"Sure."

Blaine sat down and I gave him an awkward smile.

"So, Kurt has been hounding me to come back over," Blaine said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he thinks we'd be perfect together."

"He said that?"

"Well, not in so many words. But he keeps pointing out your finer qualities."

"That's Kurt for ya."

"Yeah… so he told me something that has me wondering. He said you haven't dated in seven years?"

I sighed. "I wish he would mind his own business."

"Well I think he is trying to help in his own way."

"Well it is true. I haven't dated in seven years."

"Can I ask why not?"

"I had my heart broken."

"Yeah, you told me that at dinner."

"And, while I know now that part of it was my own fault, it really hurt. He was really my first true love. I lost… um…" I trailed off when I looked around and remembered we were in public.

"I get it. He was your first everything."

"Yeah. And I just never really recovered from that."

"I can definitely understand. I experienced something similar. Had a boyfriend all through high school. We planned out our lives together basically. Kinda silly, but you know, when you're young and the only two gay kids in town, that's what you do. Then our first year of college hit. We got accepted to different schools, but they were only about an hour apart. That should have been the first sign of trouble. Two months later, I walked in on him in the middle of a…" Blaine look around then whispered, "threesome with his roommate and another guy. I found out that he had slept with almost every gay guy on campus and then some. Shattered me to pieces. I didn't date again for about two years. Then I dated around, but never really found anyone. I am happy being single, but I do miss that comfort of having someone."

"Well two years is nothing compared to my seven," I chuckled.

"True," Blaine laughed, and then reached out a hand to cover mine. "But I just wanted you to know that I do understand."

When he put his hand on mine, it felt great. I hadn't felt that way since Will, as cliché as that sounds. We just stared at each other, and I suddenly felt myself grab his hand and squeeze it. We sat that way for a few minutes, enjoying the silence, not breaking our gazes, and drinking our coffee.

"So…" Blaine said, removing his hand from mine. "What would you say to a coffee date on Saturday morning?"

"I would say yes. But…" I trailed off.

"But what?"

"I just need to take it slow, okay? As stupid as it sounds after seven years, I'm still hurt."

"I understand completely," Blaine smiled. "But I need to go for now. Let's say, meet here, 9 am on Saturday?"

"Sounds good," I smiled. Blaine grabbed my hand one last time, rubbed it, and walked out.

Kurt was going to be so full of himself after this.


	4. Chapter 4: Sittin' Up In My Room Pt 1

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! Just a quick chapter as a tease.

_All or Nothing – Chapter 4: Sittin' Up In My Room Pt. 1_

"So this is my room," I said to Blaine as we walked in to my sparsely decorated room. Coffee had gone well, and we had spent the few hours after just walking around Portland, visiting a couple of bookstores he was interested in. I mainly just looked at the graphic novels, while he browsed the literature sections. He tried to get me interested in a few books, but they were all kinda boring to me. He then asked what I was doing for the rest of the day, and when I told him nothing, he asked if I wanted to come over to his place. For some reason I felt uncomfortable with that, but I told him we could go back to ours. I told him I had planned on cooking dinner for Kurt, so I had to get home, but he could join me. Somehow, he talked me into showing him my room, and that led us to where we were now.

"You don't have a lot of stuff," Blaine mentioned as he looked around.

"Yeah, I kinda started over when I moved out here. Haven't really collected much stuff since I lived in a dorm, and then a small apartment, until here. We just moved here a few months ago. Kurt wants to decorate, but I'm a little scared to let him."

"He _can_ be a little intense," Blaine said, sitting down on my bed. I stuck my hands in my pocket and looked unsure.

"So…" I trailed.

"So, you want to join me here?"

"I don't know."

"If I'm taking things too fast Finn, just let me know."

"No it isn't that…"

"Then why can't you look me in the eyes?"

"I don't know."

I heard him get up from the bed, and walk towards me. He put his finger under my chin, and brought my eyes to meet his.

"Blaine…" I started to say, but he cut me off with a kiss.


	5. Chapter 5: Sittin' Up In My Room Pt 2

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

_All or Nothing – Chapter 5: Sittin' Up In My Room Pt. 2_

The kiss was amazing. Blaine's lips were soft, and when I allowed entrance for his tongue, I thought I would die. He explored my mouth like there was no tomorrow, and he started moving his hands down my back. He lifted my shirt slightly and started rubbing my bare back. I moaned slightly in his mouth, and he pulled away.

"Are you sure I'm not moving too fast?" he asked. My lips smashing into his was my answer.

Soon, we were shirtless, and I was exploring his hairy chest with my hands. A memory flashed in my head, and I pulled back suddenly.

"Finn?" Blaine asked, as I gasped for air.

"So-sorry…" I said.

"What's wrong?" Blaine said, crouching over where I now sat up against the wall.

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that. There is obviously something wrong."

"I just… I think I need some time."

Blaine sighed. "I understand." He put his shirt back on. "Do you want me to call Kurt?"

"No. I'll be fine. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just call me later, okay? Let me know you're okay." Blaine placed a kiss on my forehead, and left the room.

It must have been a few hours later when I was still sitting against the wall, and Kurt walked into my room.

"Oh lord, what happened?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Blaine texted me. Said you two were about to do the nasty when you freaked out."

"I told him not to call you."

"He didn't."

"Whatever. Same difference."

"Finn, just tell me what is wrong."

I sighed. "Blaine has a hairy chest."

"So? You like that. Your biggest celebrity crushes are Hugh Jackman and Paul Rudd. I don't understand it myself, but that's your thing."

"Yeah. And Will had a hairy chest."

Kurt sighed and sat down on my bed.

"When are you going to get over him?"

"I can't. I never had closure."

"Him leaving was closure, Finn Hudson!"

"He didn't say goodbye."

"I'm tired of this Finn. It has been seven years! He obviously didn't want you enough to stay no matter what your mom said. You've been treating her like crap for all these years just because she was being a mom. Will was a jackass, and you know it. If he loved you, he would've said goodbye."

"You are just jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

"That I wanted Will and not you."

"Oh my God! Get your deluded ass out of the clouds Finn!"

"Get out!"

"Grow up!"

"I said get out!"

"Fine. I'm leaving. But Blaine isn't going to wait around forever, and you're going to miss out on a good thing. I see the way you look at him, and I haven't seen that since you were with Will. Don't miss out on this Finn, and don't be pissed at other people for what Will did to you." Kurt stormed out.

I climbed into bed an hour later and just clutched my pillow.


	6. Chapter 6: Without You

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! Unfortunately, for those of you who think that this is a Blaine/Finn story… you may be wrong. Title of chapter is inspired by the Dixie Chicks' song "Without You", not any of the other "Without You" songs out there.

_All or Nothing – Chapter 6: Without You_

I woke up the next morning feeling hung-over. I always felt that way after crying myself to sleep. It gives me a headache. Luckily, today was Sunday and I didn't need to go into work. I heard Lady Gaga blaring from the radio downstairs and groaned. Kurt was in the kitchen, making breakfast as he usually did on Sunday mornings. I would have to face him if I wanted his great cooking. I didn't know if it was worth it though.

I climbed out of bed, and headed downstairs to find Kurt dancing around as he made eggs and bacon. Hashbrowns were also frying on the stove. I just stood at the doorway, not sure what to say. For a few minutes, he didn't notice me. Then he twirled, and saw me standing there. His smile went to a frown.

"Hello Finn," Kurt said. "You look like hell."

"I feel like it," I replied. "Kurt, I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It isn't that you yelled at me Finn," Kurt said, turning away to flip the fried eggs. "It is the things that you said. That I was jealous? I mean, that hurts after all we've been through together."

"I know. I wanted it to hurt at the time I said it. I feel really bad."

"Good. You should. Now sit down. Breakfast is almost ready. Afterwards, you can call Blaine and apologize to him for freaking out."

"Was he actually upset?"

"Well… no," Kurt said, dishing up the food. "I just think you should explain to him why you freaked out."

"I figured you already had."

"It is your business."

"That has never stopped you before."

"True. Maybe I'm changing. You need to change too, and open yourself up to a relationship. Especially with Blaine."

I dug into the food that Kurt placed in front of me without another word. The truth was, I did want a relationship with Blaine. I still loved Will deep inside, and I don't think you ever lose that feeling about your first love. By closing myself off for all these years, I hadn't had to face that realization that no matter how much baggage I was carrying about Will, that I needed to move on as he was not going to come back into my life, and Blaine was in my life now, giving himself to me. I would be stupid not to take him into my life.

After breakfast, I called Blaine. We had an hour long conversation about what happened. I explained that the chest hair triggered a harsh memory of Will inside me and I didn't know how to deal with it.

"I could wax if you want me to?" Blaine said, and we both laughed.

"I like the hairy chest look," I said. "I just need to stop associating it with Will."

Blaine explained to me that it had took him a good amount of time to deal with the feelings towards his ex too, and that he had made a lot of bad decisions during that time. He said I should feel proud that I didn't let myself just find easy rebounds, and that I waited to explore a relationship, not just sex.

"I had a good amount of abusive relationships after my ex," Blaine explained. "It was like I was punishing myself because I thought I wasn't good enough. It took me about three years to get over that feeling. What triggered it was ending up in the hospital with broken ribs and a broken leg because my last boyfriend, if you want to call him that, threw me down the stairs and into some chairs. I vowed I wouldn't let myself be a victim anymore. I think you're finally getting over being a victim to how Will ended things."

We set up a date for Wednesday night, and ended the call. I was feeling great. I headed downstairs to fill in Kurt on the conversation. He was excited for me. We ended up watching a marathon of _America's Next Top Model_ and veging out the rest of the day. Around three in the afternoon, the phone rang, and Kurt answered it. He went silent, and stared at me.

"Kurt?" I said.

"Just a moment," Kurt said into the phone. "Um…"

"What?" I said, getting concerned. "Is it mom? Is something wrong with Kayla?"

"No," Kurt said solemnly. "It is Will. He wants to talk to you."

My face went blank. All these questions started running through my head. But did I really want to ask them? This is the man that didn't even have the heart to tell me in person that he was ending everything. I took a breath, and clinched my fists.

"You tell him I never want to talk to him again," I said, and turned my attention back to the television as Kurt ended the phone call.


	7. Chapter 7: I Get Weak

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

Chapter of title inspired by the fabulous Belinda Carlisle.

_All or Nothing – Chapter 7: I Get Weak_

I couldn't lie. The phone call from Will, even though I didn't talk to him, ruined me. I lay prone on my bed thinking about it the rest of the evening. Kurt wanted to take me out to dinner to get my mind off of it but I refused. Surprisingly, he didn't comment. I think he finally realized the line not to cross.

One thing I couldn't get over was how he got our home phone number. Kurt and I each had cell phones that we used more than anything else. We just installed the home phone in case of emergencies, plus a discount on cable and internet. No one really ever called us on it except for telemarketers and our parents. Then it dawned on me. I grabbed my cell phone, swept through the contacts, found the name I was looking for, and hit send.

"Hello?" the voice said after a couple of bars of _Evacuate the Dance Floor_.

"Did you give Will Schuester my number?" I asked, accusingly.

"Um… what?"

"Did you give him my number, Tina?"

Tina stuttered out, "Um, why would you say that?"

"Don't start the stuttering. I know you moved to Seattle last week, and the last I heard, Will was teaching around that area. Did you see him?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe my ass. Tina, how could you?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe you guys could talk and you could get over everything. You never had closure."

"But you know how I feel. I never wanted to hear from him again." It was a bit of a lie, but I didn't think Tina would catch on.

"Look, Will asked about you, that's why I gave him your number. He feels really bad. I think you should talk with him."

"Why? Why should I give him the time of day?"

"I'm not going to butt in to that Finn."

"Too late for that, dontcha think?"

"I'm sorry! Just… think about talking to him. He needs to talk to you. I think you guys need to get some stuff out in the open."

There was silence for a minute.

"Are you mad at me?" Tina finally said.

"No. I can't be mad at you Tina. You know that. I just… wish you would've asked me first."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Have you seen him since?"

"We have plans to go out to dinner in a couple nights. I know it seems weird. But Will helped me out a lot in school, with getting over the whole shyness thing."

"No. I get it. It would be like if you expected all of us to start hating Artie after he went to Brittany. Look, I'm going to go. I'm sorry if I came off as a bit of an asshole."

"It is really okay Finn. Look, call me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

I put the phone down and lay there for another hour or so. The clock read 11:00 pm when I looked up. I had put my phone on silent and missed some calls and texts, mainly from Blaine. The first one was just seeing how I was doing. Then there was a call. Then another text asking if I was alright. Then a third text saying that if I needed to talk he was there. Kurt must've told him what happened. I sighed and groaned all at the same time, then stood up and looked around my room. I grabbed my duffle bag, stuffed a few things in it, grabbed my Ipod, and headed to the car. Kurt followed me out.

"Finn, where are you going? It's 11 at night!"

I ignored him, turned on the car, and after a few turns, and an on-ramp, headed north on I-5 towards Seattle.

A/N: Bit of AU as I had Artie leave Tina, not the other way around.


	8. Chapter 8: In The Wee Small Hours

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

Chapter of title inspired by the wonderful Carly Simon, and the movie Sleepless in Seattle.

_All or Nothing – Chapter 8: In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning_

It was 2 A.M. when I reached the building I was looking for. I parallel parked, barely, grabbed my bag, and ran up to the main entrance. Cursing the fact that there were no elevators in this old building, I climbed the three flights of stairs, and banged on the apartment door. A tired looking Tina opened the door.

"What the hell?" she said.

"Came for a sleepover," I grinned.

"It is 2 A.M., Finn!"

"So?"

"We're not in college anymore. I have work in the morning!"

"I won't be a bother. Just wanted to visit you for a couple days."

Tina frowned and tilted her head. "I wonder why. Get your gay ass in here."

I went past her into the living room.

"Now, wait, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" I said, glancing towards the bedroom.

"Oh please," Tina said, shuffling into the room. "I haven't had anyone in that bed besides me in months."

"What happened to that guy Jason?"

"Yeah he is now dating a stripper."

"Gross."

"Yeah. So anyways, if you think I'm going to get involved in all this Will drama, you are wrong. I'm going to dinner with him in two nights, and that's it. You are not coming with."

"I wouldn't think of intruding. Talking to you just made me realize how long it had been since we'd seen each other."

"Mmm hmm sure. Finn, I've heard about Blaine. He sounds perfect."

"He is perfect."

"Then why are you here? And don't tell me its to see me again, because we both know that's bullshit."

"I just have to see him."

"Why?"

"To see if there's something still there."

"What makes you think there is?"

"Well he asked for my number for one."

"To apologize. It doesn't mean that he still wants you. And I don't want to see you get your hopes up?"

"Who says my hopes are up?"

"2 A.M. Finn!" Tina threw her hands up.

"I just have to see him. That's all. I just have to."

"Fine. Sleep on my couch for the next couple nights. When it is time for my dinner with Will, you can come, but no drama! And then after that, you can haul your ass back to Kurt and that perfect Blaine."

"Would you stop calling him that?"

"Sounds pretty damn perfect to me."

"Blah. I thought you had work in the morning."

"You are lucky I do," Tina said, going to her room. "Sleep tight."

"You too," I said, as I took off my shirt and spread out on the couch, to plan what I would say to Will when I saw him. I was still awake when Tina left in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9: Linger

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em!

Chapter of title inspired by The Cranberries!

_All or Nothing – Chapter 9: Linger_

I spent the next two days in nervous anticipation of seeing Will again. Millions of thoughts flew through my head. What if he never actually wanted to see me, just wanted to apologize? What if he was with someone else now? What if… I saw him and was still in love with him?

I eventually had to turn my cell phone off since Kurt would not stop calling me. Tina told me at dinner that first day after she got off of work that Kurt had called her to express his concern, and she told him I was here. He threatened to drive up and drag me back to Portland with him, but she had calmed him down. Although she agreed that I should go back and give Blaine a chance before I saw Will, and possibly ruined things with Blaine, she understood why I needed to see Will.

Tina and I got drunk off our asses that first night. We watched a slew of chick flicks: _Pretty Woman_, _Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion_, and, ironically, _Sleepless in Seattle_. Tina had failed to comment yet on my still being awake when she left for work in the morning. I didn't get any sleep while she was gone either. I eventually just left the apartment and went to a Starbucks to pass the time. I cursed myself for not bringing my laptop, but I decided to take my coffee and explore the city since I had never really been in Seattle, even though I had lived in Portland for seven years.

"You know…" Tina slurred towards the end of the night. "I'm still a bit pissed at Artie for choosing Brittany."

"Tina, that was years ago. They're not even together anymore."

"I know I know! I just… had to settle for Mike Chang."

"Mike is hot."

"He's straight, Finn."

"So? I can find him hot. Besides, I thought you guys loved each other."

"More as friends than anything. You saw how fast we broke up after high school."

"Yeah… seems the only ones who stayed together were Sam and Mercedes."

"I've heard they're having problems."

"Really?"

"Sam wants kids, and Mercedes is having problems getting pregnant."

"Why don't they just adopt?"

"I don't know. 'Cedes won't say."

"I feel bad that I've lost touch with them. With most of the club. You, Kurt, Artie, Britt, and Mike are the only ones I even really talk to anymore. Saw Rachel a couple years back when the Wicked tour came to Portland. It was awkward."

"We've all changed. Who would've thought you'd be living with Kurt?"

"True. But, he's my best friend."

"I can't believe he's been able to get over his crush on you."

"I know. But I made it a condition when he moved out here. I just don't find him attractive in that way."

"Don't blame you, honestly. You need a butch one."

We both laughed, and soon passed out together on the couch.

While Tina was at work the next day, I decided to go shopping for clothes for the dinner. I was shuffling through dress shirts at a downtown store, when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Finn Hudson shopping for dress shirts? Never thought I'd see the day."

I turned around, and politely smiled at the person in front of me.

"Quinn. Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Could ask you the same. Last I heard you were in Portland."

"Still am. I'm visiting Tina."

"Oh?" Quinn looked around. "I don't see her."

"She's at work. We're going out to dinner tonight at some nice place, so I thought I'd buy some new clothes. What brings you here? Last I heard you were in New York."

"Yeah, still am. I'm here on business, and thought I'd go shopping while I have a free moment."

"How is the cosmetics business?"

"Boring as hell, but it pays wonderfully. Considering I have to support Puckerman and two kids, I need the money."

"I can't believe the judge granted him alimony."

"You heard about that?"

"Lima grapevine."

"Ah. Mercedes to Tina to you and Kurt?"

"Yep."

"How is Kurt?"

"Fine. Still the same as always."

"Good. And you?"

"I'm good."

"Did you ever get over Will?" Quinn smirked.

I raised my eyebrow. "Why?"

"Oh, just wondering. Anyways, I have to get going. It was good seeing you." Quinn hugged me, and turned to leave. "Oh by the way Finn. I saw Will yesterday. Seems he lives in town. Strange coincidence huh?"

Quinn was still a bitch.

Tina got home late, and I was pacing the floor when she came in.

"Oh my god Finn," Tina said. "Calm down. I'm only ten minutes late, and we're not supposed to be there for a half hour!"

"But I know how long it takes you to get ready!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Tina said, hands on hips. I let the conversation go at that, and soon we were walking to the restaurant.

We stopped outside. "Tina," I said. "Is this a good idea?"

Tina laughed. "Of course not. But you're here, so you might as well see him. Get over whatever this is that he has on you."

"What if he's seeing someone?"

"Then you'll go home and commit to Blaine."

"What if he's not seeing someone, and confesses his love for me, and I fuck it up."

"Finn, shut up!" Tina said. "Let's just go in there."

Turns out, Will was already there. When we walked to the table, I actually had to stop and stare at him. If it was possible, he had gotten even better looking. He seemed to have toned up, as visible by the tight shirt he wore underneath his leather jacket. He had shaved his head short, so the curls were gone. He had definitely aged well. Will was visibly surprised to find me with Tina.

"Um…" Will started after ending his hug with Tina. "Finn? Wow. Um. What are you doing here?"

"Finn showed up on my doorstep," Tina said. "He seemed to have gotten a phone call that prompted his visit. Do you know anything about that?"

Will glanced at Tina, but kept his stare on me. "You gave me his phone number, Tina."

"Hi Will," I said, finally getting the strength to come up to the table.

"Finn."

We sat down, but neither Will and I looked at our menus. Just stared at each other.

After Tina had sent the waiter away four times because neither one of had decided on what to eat, she sat down her menu, grabbed her purse, and stood up.

"Look. You two obviously need to be alone. I'm going to go grab a burger. Finn, the apartment door will be unlocked, and I'll tell the waiter to just bring you guys the chicken marcella, okay? Love you both."

Tina leaving was what finally broke our stare. I felt bad, but she was right. We needed to just talk the two of us.

"So, how have you been?" Will asked.

"Better than I was seven years ago." That was harsh, and I knew it. It just came out.

"You don't know how sorry I am."

"I can guess." We took a moment. "I am sorry I didn't take the call the other day. Just came as a shock."

"I don't blame you. I shouldn't have just called out of the blue, and really shouldn't have put Tina in that position. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. I just… when Tina told me she was going to dinner with you, I felt the need to show up."

"I've missed you Finn. I hope you know that." Tears were forming in his eyes.

"I know."

"I've wanted to call you. Wanted to see you so many times. When I heard that Carole and Burt had a baby, I almost showed up just to say congratulations, but figured neither your mom or you would want to see me."

"Kurt would've been pretty pissed too."

"Are you and Kurt…?"

"What? No!"

"Oh. I just… I thought maybe with his crush on you and with him answering your phone."

"We live together. Have since he graduated."

"Oh…" Will trailed off. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. Well…"

"Well what?"

"Kurt set me up with a friend of his. We've gone out on a couple of dates. He's the first since you."

"You haven't dated since I left?"

"No."

Will stared at me even more deeply. "I didn't realize I hurt you that badly."

"You did."

Will went silent, and toyed with his napkin.

"Are you seeing anyone?" I asked.

"No," Will sighed. "No, I'm not."

We took another moment. Will wouldn't look at me, and I noticed a tear falling down his cheek. I grabbed his hand.

"I forgive you, you know?" I said.

"You shouldn't," Will said.

"I know I shouldn't," I said. "Please look at me, Will."

He lifted his head, and our eyes met again.

"I forgive you," I repeated.

"I've missed you so much," Will repeated. I kept a hold of his hand. "Do you want to… go somewhere more private? I think we need to talk."

"Yeah. Where?"

"My place?" Will said, hopeful look in his eyes.

"Okay," I said, and we got up, never getting our food, and I followed Will, hand in hand, to his apartment.


	10. Chapter 10: Because the Night

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! I know how I'm going to end the… saga… if you will, of Finn and Will. I don't know how I'm going to get there quite yet… so we still have a good handful of chapters to go. I just don't want you to think that I pulled the ending out of my, pardon my language, ass. It is definitely something that I've been planning. I've hinted at a certain plot point a few times in the past two stories, and that will come up. That was the original ending, but I've changed my mind about that. It will still come into play though. **

**Just a note like I have in my previous stories: This chapter does involve sex. Graphic details. In the real world, you should play safe. This is a fake world. Just putting that out there. **

**Chapter of title inspired by Natalie Merchant (10,000 Maniacs) and Patti Smith (along with a bunch of other artists, but those are the two big ones)! **

_All or Nothing – Chapter 10: Because the Night_

I sat down on Will's couch after he let me into the apartment, and went to go get us some wine. The funny part was that he had decorated the apartment similar to his apartment in Lima. It made me feel a sense of homesickness, but also a longing for the days where I didn't have to worry about number crunching, budgets, paying rent, and the like. Will brought the glasses of wine while I was still looking around and reminiscing. He smiled at me as he sat down.

"So… really, how have you been?" Will asked.

"I've been good, to tell the truth," I said, taking a sip of wine. "I graduated with a degree in Accounting. I have a good, secure job. I don't have many friends in Portland. Mainly Kurt. But that's okay. I enjoy just hanging out with him. Kinda sucks on the nights he has dates… especially when he brings them back and that's all I can hear all night."

Will chuckled. "I had neighbors like that."

"Yeah, it is annoying, but I can't fault him. He pays rent. He's been my best friend since high school. Who would've thought, right?" I laughed.

"He always cared about you."

"Yeah. How have you been?"

"Miserable. I have just gone from teaching job to teaching job. I never really found a place to settle. Seattle is the place I've been in the longest. A year. I just became musical director for the University of Washington. It's great, but haven't really made many friends either. That's why I was excited to see Tina last week. Well… excited and nervous. I didn't know if she'd talk to me."

"Of course she would. Everyone missed you."

"Everyone?"

I swallowed more wine, while avoiding eye contact. "I told you I missed you."

"But I bet you were mad."

I swung my glare back to Will. "You bet I was. What did you think? I'd be happy?"

"I don't know. I thought it would make things better."

"Oh yeah. So much better," I put the wine glass down before I did something stupid. "Will, you hurt me so much. I can't even be with anyone."

"What?"

"I tried. Once. This guy Blaine. But he took his shirt off, and he had a hairy chest, and I had a breakdown because it reminded me of you."

Will held back a laugh.

"It isn't funny," I said.

"Sorry. I just… that had to be awkward."

"It was. But he stayed around. He's been great, I just haven't been able to…"

"So… he's still around?"

"I don't know. Probably not after this stunt. Kurt has probably told him where I'm at, he set us up by the way, and he probably is viewing this as the last straw."

"Did you want to leave?" Will was pleading with his eyes. "You didn't have to come here."

"I wanted to," I said, and reached out my hand to touch his. "I want to stay. But you have to know how much you hurt me."

"I do, Finn. I do. I curse myself every day for leaving you like that. Emma told me you were never the same in glee club after that."

"You made me want to sing and dance. And… I just had nothing after that. The only reason I stayed was for everyone else. I couldn't do that to the team."

"And yet I did," Will rolled his eyes, and flopped back on the couch. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"Wow, you sound like me in high school," I said, laughing. "Remember?"

"Remember how you would go back and forth on whether we should be together or not? Yeah I do," Will said. "I also remember being with you in bed. Just holding you. The nights we didn't have sex were the best. Don't get me wrong, I loved the sex," Will smirked, and I blushed. "But… just holding each other. Talking. Singing the sweet love songs I used to sing to you, and seeing the way it made you happy. I wish I could go back."

I scooted over to be closer to Will, and lay my head on his chest. He put his arm around my chest. "To be honest Will, I want to be with you. I always have. I just am scared. Scared that if I give myself to you again, that it is going to end again."

"I'm scared I'm going to hurt you again."

"So where do we go from here?"

We stayed in silence. I could feel him getting hard, and his heartbeat quickening. I looked up at him, and a look of passion was in his eyes. I reached up to his face, brought it down to me, and pressed my lips to his. His tongue slid in, and soon he was on top of me. He caressed my face, as we continued to kiss like it was food and we were starving. We were both hard as I could tell by him pressing into me. He broke the kiss to stare at me.

"You are beautiful," he said. I just smiled and blushed. "I've wanted you like this for so long."

I whimpered, "Me too."

He reached down and started to unbutton my shirt. Once he was done, he opened it wide so he could massage my chest.

"You have a treasure trail," he said, admiring my chest.

"I stopped shaving it," I said.

"Nice," he smirked, and continued our kissing. I took his sweater off, followed by his undershirt. I wiggled out of the sleeves of my shirt, and soon we were both grinding into each other, shirtless.

"I need you," Will said, breaking our kiss.

"I'm all yours," I said.

We stared at each other, massaging each other's chest.

"Wait here," Will said, and got off the couch and went down the hall. I stared after him, eyebrow raised. Fifteen minutes later, I was still waiting, and almost followed him thinking that he had fallen asleep or something. Finally I heard him say, "Okay, come in the bedroom."

I got up, still shirtless, and walked down the hall. I was rendered breathless when I saw what he had been doing. He had lit candles all around the room, and had put flowers on the bed. He was standing next to his dresser, just with briefs on, and smirking.

"Wow," I said.

"I had kept this stuff… just in case. It's stupid, I know. I just had hoped that someday we could be together again."

"It isn't stupid," I said, a tear running down my cheek. "It really isn't."

Will came up to me, and brushed the tear away. "I don't want you to cry ever again."

"What if it is tears of happiness?"

"I guess that's okay," he smirked, and kissed me again. He stepped back, and moved towards the bed. He dropped his briefs, and I got to see a part of him I had missed so badly. He caught me staring, and chuckled. "Like what you see?"

"You know I do," I said, my own erection straining my pants.

"Then drop the pants, and come get it," Will said, laying on the bed.

I don't think I had ever unbuckled and dropped my pants as fast as I did right then. It had been seven years, and I was ready. I walked slowly over to Will, and he reached up his arm to bring me on top of him. Our bodies touched, and we both shuddered.

"It has been so long," Will whimpered. I just kissed his neck in response. I played with the hair on his chest, and tweaked his nipple. That elicited another whimper. Will flipped us over, and was now grinding into me. He bit my nipple softly, and I groaned.

"Tell me what you want," Will said, huskily.

"I want you," I groaned.

"You have me. Now tell me what you want me to do to you," He said, going back to flick my nipple.

"Oh my god," I moaned.

"Tell me Finn. Tell me."

"I want you inside me. I want you to make love to me. Please Will," I almost screamed.

Will brought himself up, and looked straight into my eyes. "How bad?"

"So bad. Will I want you so bad. Please."

He smiled. "Have you been with anyone else since me?"

"No."

"Neither have I." He looked over at the nightstand. "I have condoms if you want."

"No. I want all of you. Just… some lube. Please."

Will smiled, and grabbed the bottle on the nightstand. He put some on himself, and then I felt a finger probing me. It was insane how great it felt. After a couple of minutes, Will looked at me.

"Are you ready?"

"Oh my god, get inside me!" I moaned. Will lifted my legs slightly, and started to slide in. At first there was some discomfort since it had been seven years, and I hadn't even used any toys on myself since then. Then the pleasure came. The pleasure I had felt that first time. Will started sliding in and out, and I groaned every time. The sweat was dripping off of us, and after about twenty minutes, just like the first time, he looked at me for permission.

"Like you have to ask," I managed to groan, and Will let go inside of me.

"I love you!" He screamed, as he came. All the feelings were back now. All that love. My first and true love had come back to me, and he had made love to me, and things were back to the way they should.

"I love you too," I said, as I held him, and he came down from his high. He started to kiss my chest and then pulled out. He got on all fours, and looked back at me, and winked.

"Your turn," he said. We kept up like that for hours.


	11. Chapter 11: All Through the Night

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! **

**Chapter title inspired by the incredible Cyndi Lauper. **

_All or Nothing – Chapter 11: All Through the Night_

We lay in bed after four hours of making love, but neither of us was tired. We just stared at each other, enjoying the feel of our bodies next to each other. We just whispered to each other, as we enjoyed the caresses that the other was giving.

"So where do we go from here?" Will asked.

"Pretty obvious to me," I said.

Will laughed. "Yeah I mean there's the obvious. But how?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're in Portland. I'm in Seattle. We both have careers."

"It's only a four hour drive."

"Is that realistic though?"

"No. Probably not."

"We would have to figure out what we want."

"I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too."

"Then what does it matter if there is distance?"

"It matters Finn," Will sighed. "But for now, let's just enjoy this."

I curled up next to Will and got lost in thought. He was right. It did matter. But I didn't want to leave Portland. As much as I complained about it, I had a good job. And there was Kurt. Not that Kurt couldn't get along without me, but he was my best friend, and we liked living together. Maybe Will could move? But that wouldn't be fair to him either since he had finally found his place. His home. It was all too complicated. I stroked his chest, and sighed.

"Don't worry about it, okay?" Will said, running his hand through my hair.

I stayed silent. Soon, he had fallen quietly asleep, but I stayed awake, worrying.

~~Later that Day~~

I left Will's about 8 AM. He had to work, and I had to get going back to Portland. I had already missed enough work, so I had to go back to the office tomorrow. We made plans for him to call me that night, and to hopefully see each other that weekend. Where exactly was still up in the air, but we had made the plans, and that is what mattered.

I was hoping Tina would be gone when I got back to her apartment, but as I opened the door, she was sitting on the couch, expectantly.

"Uh, hi," I stuttered.

"Stuttering is my thing, Finnegan. Now get your gay ass over here and tell me what happened."

I sat down next to her, and she handed me a cup of coffee.

"Prepared much?" I asked. She smirked.

"Spill."

"Well we didn't have dinner, that's for sure."

"Did you guys fuck all night?"

"To put it crudely, I suppose. Well, not all night."

Tina rolled her eyes. "Well… I'm happy for you I guess."

"Happy I got laid?"

"It has been a while. But no, I'm happy that you and Will are back together," she paused, right before taking a sip of her coffee. "You are back together, right?"

"I don't think we made it completely official. We both said we want to be together though."

"But…?"

"But, I don't want to move, and neither does he."

"Ah, the distance dilemma."

"Yeah," I said gulping my coffee.

"Didn't get much sleep did you?"

"No. And not for that reason. We stopped at about 2 am. Will fell asleep around 3. I just… couldn't sleep."

"Aww, poor Finnegan," Tina said. "This really has you stressed out doesn't it?"

"Yeah. But, it is better than being a dark hole of depression, right? By the way, why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I said I'd come in late today. I knew you'd be coming home about now probably, plus I thought you might be going back to Portland today, and didn't want to not say goodbye."

"Aww," I said, putting my arm around her and bringing her in for a sorta hug. "You're a good friend to me Tina."

"Well, then I should probably remind you of something."

"What?"

"Blaine."

"Tina!"

"What?"

"Blaine and I were never…"

"But you were at the beginning stages."

"How would you know?"

"Kurt keeps us all updated."

"All?"

"Oh you know. Britt, me, Mike, Artie."

"Geez. Glad to know that."

"Well, anyways, Blaine was the first guy you could've seen yourself with since Will. There is obviously something there."

"True, there is something there. And I think Blaine will always be one of my friends now. But Will…"

"Will is your first love. He's your true love. He's your soul mate, blah blah blah. My point is, Finn, that you don't know that Will is your soul mate because you haven't dated around. You haven't tried other souls."

"That sounds creepy."

"You know what I mean!"

"I know I know. I just… Blaine is awesome. And if Will hadn't come back into my life…"

"All I'm saying Finn is to give it a moment. Don't rush into it with Will again."

"Too late for that," I muttered. Tina lay her hand on my hand and sympathized silently.

~~Later that Day~~

I was ten minutes away from home. I had called Kurt on my way back to tell him I was fine, and to just calm down. He asked how dinner with Will had gone, but I had told him nothing. Just that it went fine, and that I would see him tonight after he got off of work.

Thanks to Tina I couldn't stop thinking about what this would do to Blaine. He was a great guy, and he had understood why I couldn't just rush into things with him. So why was I willing to rush things with Will? Well that was a stupid question. It was Will. The man I lost seven years ago who had come back to me. I got turned into that high school jock again, in love with his teacher, except this time it wasn't illegal and we couldn't get in trouble for it. It was perfect. But thanks to Tina, I couldn't get Blaine out of my mind.

I pulled up at the townhouse, and sighed. No wonder I had avoided relationships for so long. They were stressful to think about. I got out of my car, hopped up the steps to the front door, and put in my key. The door was unlocked though. I was going to have to chew Kurt out for leaving the door unlocked again. This wasn't Lima.

I put my bag by the front door, and went into the living room to check for mail that had come while I was gone. I about screamed when I noticed someone else in the room, and it wasn't Kurt.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, calming down.

Blaine stood there, a rose in his hand, smiling at me sheepishly. "I just wanted to welcome you home, and tell you that I am willing to wait for you while you work out what you need to work out."

My stress went up about ten levels.


	12. Chapter 12: Emotions

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! I know the chapters have been coming fast as of recently. I'm done with school and have two weeks where I just have work, so I have extra time to write. **

**Chapter title inspired by the incredible Mariah Carey. **

_All or Nothing – Chapter 12: Emotions_

"Wow, Blaine," I said, surprised. "How did you know I was coming back now?"

"Blame Kurt. He called me after you called him on your way back. I had told him to keep me updated on when you were coming back so I could tell you that I understood why you had to go to Seattle to meet up with that guy."

"His name is Will."

"Of course. Will. Sorry."

"It's fine. But wait? Kurt told you why I left?"

"Yeah. The boy has a big mouth."

"Unfortunately not a good thing in this situation," I muttered.

"Look," Blaine said walking up to me, and placing his hands on my shoulders. I couldn't avoid looking into his eyes. "I like you Finn. A lot. I know we haven't known each other a long time, but I can tell certain things right off the bat."

"I like you too Blaine." It wasn't a lie.

"So can you tell me what happened?"

"No."

"Okay, I understand that." Why did he have to be so understanding? "Can I ask you something else?"

I swallowed. "Of course."

"Did it help?"

Loaded question. "I think it did."

"Did you get closure?"

More like it opened things up again. "In a way, yes."

"So does that mean I can do this?" Blaine leaned in, placed his lips against mine, and locked me into a kiss. Oh man it was good. I couldn't help but kiss back. Soon we were making out passionately.

I tried to pull away. "Blaine… I…"

"You what?"

"I… can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because… Will…"

"Because you and Will hooked up?" I pulled back and looked at him. "I told you. I'm good at reading people."

"So then why are you making out with me if you know that Will and I are back together?"

"I think it is pretty obvious why I am. I want you Finn. I think the true question should be, why are you making out with me when you know that you and Will are back together?"

I sighed. "I don't know."

"I do."

I sat down on the couch, and Blaine sat down next to me.

"Okay, Mr. Know-it-all, why?"

"Because you don't think that Will and you will last."

"That's a bit bitchy."

"So be it. But I think you know that you need to leave the past in the past. No matter how good the sex was."

"It was more than just sex."

"Are you sure?"

"Blaine, I think you're going too far."

"I'm sorry. I just… really want you."

"I want you too. Trust me. I do. If it wasn't for Will…"

"If it wasn't for Will, you wouldn't have felt so alone for seven years. If it wasn't for Will, you wouldn't have closed yourself off, even to me. If it wasn't for Will, you'd still have a relationship with your mother."

He made good points.

Blaine turned my head towards his and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I know that you may think I'm being harsh. I'm just fighting for what I want."

I locked eyes with him, and we started making out again. Soon, we were both naked on the couch, grinding into each other. This time I reveled in his hairy chest, instead of freaking out over it.

"Finn, I need you inside of me," Blaine gasped, breaking lip contact for the first time in twenty minutes.

"Do you have…?" I asked. He reached down for his pants, and pulled the condom out of his pocket. "Came prepared huh?"

"Well I hoped it would get this far," he smirked, and placed the condom on me. For two glorious hours, we went at it like rabbits. At that point, I realized the time. Kurt would be home any minute. We ran up the stairs, and shut my bedroom door, just in time to hear Kurt walk through the front door. He came upstairs, and knocked on my door.

"Finn? You in there?" he asked.

"Um, yeah…" I answered, as Blaine went down on me again. "I just am taking a nap. I'll be down in about an hour."

"Two," Blaine said though his mouth was full.

"Two," I corrected.

"Mmmm hmm, tell Blaine I said hi. I'm going out to dinner. See you in a couple hours," Kurt said. He probably was in on this. I looked down at Blaine, and he had the biggest grin on his face.

"You guys suck," I said.

"But you like it," he said. And boy did I.

**A/N: I know. I just put Will and Finn back together and then I do this. Guess we'll see what happens!**


	13. Chapter 13: Timber

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! **

**Chapter title inspired by Patty Loveless and Vince Gill. **

_All or Nothing – Chapter 13: Timber_

It had been a week since I had slept with Blaine. One of the most stressful weeks besides finals week of my senior year of college. Will and I had talked every night, and he wanted to visit me during the upcoming weekend. I kept putting him off saying I didn't know if I was ready for another visit yet, but he sure was insistent. Blaine had been equally insistent, and while we hadn't slept together again, we had spent almost every night together. I didn't tell him about Will's calls.

Kurt wasn't being any help.

One morning, sitting at breakfast, he started in.

"Finn Hudson, you better choose between these two men," he said in his usual nagging tone.

"You don't think I know that?"

"I think you're having fun."

"Oh yeah, it's so much fun knowing that if I don't choose, I'm probably going to end up losing both of them, and then where will I be?"

"Alone again. So choose!"

"I don't know how."

"Look, Blaine is great. I'm his biggest cheerleader. But, if you feel that Will is still your true love, then choose Will. God knows I don't want to hear you whining about making a mistake again."

"I don't whine."

"Really?"

"Well I don't whine that much."

"Okay sure. Anyways, neither one of the men, as much as I was pissed at Will, deserve to be toyed with. You need to be honest."

"I know. I do. I just… need a little more time."

"Well you don't have that much more time. Will is planning on coming here this weekend, and I don't think you're going to be able to avoid Blaine the whole weekend."

"I was hoping you could distract Blaine."

"Nope. Uh-uh. Not happening."

"Oh come on! You could like, go visit Tina or something."

"I'm not pulling Tina into this. You need to decide Finn Hudson."

I sighed, and ate the remainder of my breakfast in silence.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was a nervous wreck. I got home from work, and I knew Kurt would want to lecture me. What I didn't expect was to walk in the door and find Will already there.

"Will?" I asked, walking into the kitchen. Kurt and he had been drinking coffee, and Kurt had this amused expression on his face when Will got up to hug me.

"Hey. Thought I'd surprise you by getting here early."

"Yeah Finn, isn't it great?" Kurt asked. I flipped him off behind Will's back.

"Yeah of course it is," I said breaking the hug. "I just wasn't ready for you. Um, my room is a mess and I was… um… going to cook dinner but I had planned on coming home, changing clothes and heading to the store."

"Oh well, that's no problem. I can go shopping with you," Will said. Of course he could.

"Hello?" a voice from the living room said. I felt like a bomb exploded in my brain.

"No way," Kurt said, even more amused.

"Who's that?" Will asked. Just then Blaine walked into the kitchen.

"Hey guys, who's this?" Blaine said.

"This is our old glee club director, Will Schuester," Kurt said. Blaine narrowed his eyes.

"Will? As in the guy that abandoned you, Finn?"

Will was caught off guard. "Wow, that was harsh."

"Yeah it was harsh what you did to him."

"I don't even know you."

"I'm Blaine. The one that's putting Finn back together."

"Blaine? The guy that you tried to sleep with, Finn?"

"Tried?"

Will's eyes shot over to me.

"Wait. Finn? Did you actually sleep with Blaine? You told me you hadn't been with anyone."

"I hadn't, at the time…" I managed to speak.

"So you slept with him after…" Will trailed off.

"After you hooked up?" Blaine said. "Yeah. We did. Because I know what's best for Finn, and it's not getting involved with you again."

Will looked like he was about to punch Blaine.

"How would you know? You don't know anything about us," Will said.

"I know enough. I know that Finn started living again when I came into his life. But one call from you, and he's running back to his past. At least he had closure, and can move on. Why don't you do the same?"

Kurt stood up at this, his obvious amusement gone.

"Listen, boys, why don't we settle down? This is a big mess, and I'm sure we can all work through this," Kurt said.

"This was an obvious mistake," Will said.

"Will, please…" I said. "I just need to think things through."

"So while you're thinking things through, you're fucking him?" Will spewed at me.

Blaine laughed. "Look, I get it. You guys have a past. But if Finn wanted to be with you, why would he be spending every night with me?"

"It isn't like that," I jumped in. "We only had sex once."

"Well, one day. It was more like six or seven times," Blaine said.

"Blaine, you are not helping," Kurt said. "Let's go into the living room, and let these two talk."

Blaine looked reluctant, but followed Kurt into the living room.

"Finn… I know that what happened between us hurt you… but I thought after last week…"

"I know. Will, I know. I came home from Seattle, and Blaine was here, and things just happened."

"Things don't just happen Finn. Obviously you have feelings for Blaine."

"I admit that I do."

"So then what we have is?"

"I don't know Will!" I exclaimed. "I'm just confused."

"Do you still want me?"

"Yes," I said, hugging him. "Yes I do."

"Then tell me you'll end things with Blaine."

"I don't know if I want to."

Will broke the hug. "Well you better figure it out. Look I'll go stay at a hotel or something. I have my cell phone on me. You call me when you decide."

I followed Will through the living room. "Will, please."

"No. Just work through whatever this is, and call me when you decide." He shot one last glare at Blaine, and left.

"Good, now that he's gone, we can enjoy our weekend," Blaine said.

"He's not gone, Blaine," I said. "And I don't appreciate how you acted around him. That's not you."

Blaine looked guilty. "I know it isn't me. I don't know what got into me. I just had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to punch him come over me."

"This is really difficult for me, okay? I love Will, and I can see myself loving you. I need to think about all this."

"Okay. I can understand that," Blaine said. "Do you want me to leave?"

"At least for tonight," I said. "I'm sorry."

Blaine got up to leave. "It's fine. I just want you to remember one thing." He pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss lasted about two minutes, when he pulled away. He smiled, and left.

As I caught my breath, Kurt looked at me from the couch. "Told you that you should've made your mind up before Friday." I flipped him off for the second time that night.


	14. Chapter 14: Searchin' My Soul

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! **

**Dialogue heavy chapter!**

**Chapter title inspired by Vonda Shepard**

_All or Nothing – Chapter 14: Searchin' My Soul_

The weekend was a painful one. Kurt called Tina down from Seattle, so that she could then lecture me about the love triangle I was in. I tried leaving the house, but Kurt and Tina followed me. They weren't going to let me forget that I had a decision to make.

Not that I could. Blaine was calling me non-stop. Kurt finally told him to stop. It was weird hearing Kurt get mad at Blaine. He told him that Blaine calling me non-stop was not going to help me make a decision any quicker, and that it may turn me off from Blaine. I couldn't hear Blaine's side of the conversation of course, but I could tell Kurt got his point across.

It was Saturday night when Tina came into my room. Without knocking of course. I was laying on my bed trying to ignore everything.

"Finn," she said as she sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry if you hate us right now. We just really want you not to make the wrong decision."

"I know, Tina. I really do. I just, I love Will. I think I could love Blaine. And I just… don't want to make a mistake."

"Exactly. So, let's make a pro/con list."

"That worked so well for Ross on Friends," I said sarcastically.

"You watch Friends?" Tina said to me. "Wow, you are gay."

"Ha ha."

"Okay well let's not make a physical list then. Tell me what you love about Will."

"Tina…" I groaned.

"I'm not leaving until we do this."

"Fine. I love his smile. I love his voice. I love his sweater vests even."

"Someone has to."

"Funny. And I love how when we're alone he makes me feel like nothing else matters. Like it is just him and me, and we can stay like that forever."

"And what don't you like about him?"

I sighed. "I don't like how I don't feel safe. Like I'll wake up one morning and that he'll be gone again."

"Well to me that's a big con."

"Tell me about it."

"And what do you like about Blaine?"

"He's gorgeous. But so is Will. Um… he's kind, although his little stunt last night didn't impress me. He wants me to be happy. He has been through crap similar to what I've been through.. He understood that I needed time and didn't leave when I freaked out on him. Everytime he touches me, I feel a spark"

"And does he have a straight brother?"

"Tina…" I groaned again.

"Okay okay. And what don't you like about him?"

"He has more experience than I do dating. So I feel like I'm some innocent little kid when I'm with him. He is aggressive, which I liked at first, but like with how he was aggressive last night when Will was here, it turned me off."

"Okay, so whose pros outweighs their cons?"

"I don't know!" I exclaimed getting up from my bed. "It isn't that easy Tina!"

Tina stood up. "Okay Finn, don't freak out on me! I'm just trying to help."

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like I have to make up my mind this weekend, or else I'm going to lose them both."

"And why do you feel like that?"

"I don't know. They both understood about letting me decide. But if I let Will leave back to Seattle, and I don't make up my mind, I feel like I'm going to lose him. And with Blaine, I think he might just find someone else if I take too long."

"So Will is just desperate and will never find anyone else?"

"He wasn't with anyone in seven years either."

"But you and Blaine could get together, and be together, and one or both of you might find someone else. And what if you get with Blaine, and you realize that you love Will more, and Will isn't willing to take you back?"

"But it could be the exact same if I go with Will."

"True."

"It sounds like you're telling me to go to Will."

"Well…"

"Well nothing Tina. When I came up to Seattle, you kept bringing up Blaine."

"I know."

"So what changed?"

"I saw how you were with Will, Finn. You are in love."

"I know."

"You're just scared."

"I know."

"Are you going to let fear rule your life?"

Just then the phone rang, and I sighed and picked it up.

"Hello… yeah… yeah I know… well…," I looked at Tina, who had her eyebrow raised. "Yeah I'll be right over."

"Who was that?" Tina asked, as I put my phone in my pocket.

"The one I'm choosing," I said, as I walked past her.


	15. Chapter 15: Ain't It Funny

**A/N: Thank you for all the amazing reviews after the last chapter. I'm so glad that the cliffhanger was so well received. The way I have it planned out, I see three chapters left, maybe four. So here we go! **

**Warning: This will probably be considered a short chapter by most. Sorry, but I need to put this part separate. **

**Chapter title inspired by Jennifer Lopez (cue Cartman talking with his hand)**

_All or Nothing – Chapter 15: Ain't It Funny_

"Are you guys coming over tonight?" Brit asked.

"Nah. It's our one year anniversary of officially being a couple. I think we're going to like go to dinner or something," I said.

"I move here all the way from Ohio, and I barely see you!"

"I know I know. Look, next weekend, we'll go up to Mount Hood together, okay?"

"Fine," Britt sighed teasingly. "You better enjoy your night."

"Oh I will." We said our goodbyes, and hung up the phone. I finished up my work for the day and started my walk home.

I couldn't believe it had been a year since all the drama between Will, Blaine, and myself. I made my decision that night after talking with Tina. Since that time, I found myself living, literally, with my choice. He had moved in with Kurt and I, and we created our own little family. Kurt had even begun dating. He had "fallen in love" with this guy named Cody. What he constituted as falling in love was Cody spending thousands of dollars on him, and Kurt giving him sex. Yes, Kurt had found his sugar daddy. We barely saw him anymore, but it was nice the nights we could spend on the couch together watching some horrible movie as a family.

Brit had moved to Portland about six months after that night, and she was right. I barely had seen her. We threw her a housewarming party, and I had seen her about once a month. But I really wanted to see her more. It was just that my relationship was taking up most of my time.

Tina and I had barely spoken after that night. She… didn't like my decision. Or, I guess rather, she didn't like the way I handled the decision. We were still friends, and we would always be friends, it was just that she had an opinion and I had an opinion and they didn't match. She still came around for the holidays, and was there when Brit moved, but it wasn't the same.

I couldn't blame her though. She saw what the decision did to the one I let down. He had disappeared and no one had heard from him. I felt horrible, as I wanted to stay friends, but there wasn't much I could do. I had to follow my heart.

Truth be told, there were times where I questioned my decision. Especially when it affected my relationship with Tina. And truth be told, he could sometimes be a bit possessive with my time, which is the real reason I hadn't seen Brit as much as I had wanted. It was different with Kurt, since we all lived together. But now I was even starting to see him less. I loved my boyfriend, but there were times I still questioned it.

As I walked up the steps to the townhouse, I checked the mail. Bills, bills, bills. Then a letter. No return address, but addressed to me. I opened up the front door, shut it, and ripped open the letter. I had recognized the handwriting, and I was right.

_Please meet me at this address, on this day, at this time. I need to see you, even it is for just one last time. I just need to tell you something_.

Why couldn't he just tell me in the letter? I had made my decision. But seeing his handwriting did make my heart jump a little. He didn't even sign his name, because he knew I would know. I sighed, and started heading into the living room. I looked up, and dropped the letter at the sight before me.

"Will you marry me Finn?" Blaine asked, kneeling on one knee. I guess this was my anniversary surprise.


	16. Chapter 16: All I Have to Give

**A/N: Wow… I was surprised so many 1. Wanted Finn to pick Blaine or 2. Knew he'd pick Blaine. Not really what I was expecting. Just found it interesting. **

**Okay so this is the next to last chapter. Sorry for so long between updates. My summer term started, and work has been crazy among other things. **

**Chapter title inspired by the Backstreet Boys**

_All or Nothing – Chapter 16: All I Have to Give_

It took me a minute to find my words. And when I did, they came out harsher than I had planned.

"Are you insane?"

Blaine's smile disappeared into a grimace.

"No. I thought I was being romantic."

I shook my head, picked up Will's letter, and put the mail on the desk near the couch.

"Blaine, it is romantic. Super romantic. But we've only been dating a year."

Blaine stood up. "Well gee thanks Finn for ruining it."

I sighed. "I'm not trying to ruin anything." I walked up to him, and placed my arms around his waist. "I love you. I do. I was just surprised. Please don't be upset."

"So is that a no then?"

I took a moment, thinking about the letter on the desk. "It is a let me think about it. It is a big decision, one that I haven't even thought about before." Blaine pouted. "Look, let me take you out for our anniversary."

"I was going to cook."

"Nah, I want to take you to that French restaurant downtown."

Blaine smiled. He loved French food, and I knew it. I figured this would make up for my reaction to his proposal.

That night, laying in bed after celebrating our anniversary in a different way, Blaine lightly snored while I couldn't sleep. I was tired; there was no doubt about that. But Will's letter was still on my mind. It had been on my mind all through dinner, and, while I hated to admit it, it had been on my mind during our love making. That's how much Will could get to me. I thought it was over. I thought I had made my decision, and Will was out of my life. He just knows the worst moments to pop right back in. He wanted me to meet him in just two days. I tossed and turned the rest of the night, deciding whether or not to even give him the time of day.

So of course two days later I'm driving six hours down to the outskirts of Medford. My GPS had to be updated three times to even find the address. I had music blaring, trying to drown out my guilty thoughts. Blaine thought I was visiting Tina. He thought I was trying to mend fences with her. I felt bad lying, but I knew he wouldn't call her, unlike my mother all those years ago, so I knew it was safe.

I had been standoffish towards Blaine for the past two days, after our anniversary. Kurt had noticed, and confronted me, but I just shrugged him off. Blaine kept asking me what was wrong, and I told him it was just work stuff. He seemed to buy it.

Six hours and a few rest areas later, I was driving in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees everywhere. I thought maybe my GPS was on the fritz until I saw a big sign posted on a tree.

"This Way" it read, with an arrow pointed to a small dirt road off the main road. Considering my GPS was telling me I had reached my destination, I figured the sign was for me. As I pulled onto the dirt road, and onto a dark path surrounded by trees, the thought did run through my head that Will was bringing me out here to kill me; one of those unrequited love/Lifetime movie scenarios. I just kept driving though.

Two miles later, I slammed on the breaks, my mouth agape. I turned off the engine, and slowly got out of the car. Up a small pathway was a big, beautiful cabin. It was surrounded by bushes and flowers, had a porch swing on the wrap around deck, and beautiful French doors.

I looked around for any sign of Will, but I seemed to be alone. I started slowly up the steps, when a voice came from the side.

"Do you like it?"

I turned to find Will coming from around the back of the wraparound deck. His face in a grimace.

"It is beautiful. I feel like I've seen it before."

Will smirked, and nodded. "Yeah you have; in your dreams."

I was left speechless.

"All those years ago, you used to tell me about your dreams where we were living in a cabin. I couldn't believe how vivid you were with your descriptions, but I loved hearing about it, even if I never told you. I always remembered what you said the cabin looked like, but I had never planned on building it."

"You built this?"

"Well not by myself, of course," he chuckled. "I had help. Contractors, friends… Tina."

"Tina knew about this."

"Oh yeah. But I told her to keep it a secret."

I shook my head. "But why?"

"Finn, you're not stupid. You know why."

"But I chose Blaine."

"Yes you did, but I was hoping that you would come here, see this cabin, and at least think about the decision again. This is all I have to give, but it's a lot. It's a home. It's a future. I know you were scared to choose me because you thought I may leave you again. But this is my way of telling you that I am not leaving. That I'll never leave. You may have thought it was over because you chose Blaine, but it was never over, and I think it still isn't over."

"You got that from _The Notebook_," I smirked.

"Well it was our favorite movie back in Ohio," Will grinned. "Look, the cabin is 3000 square feet. I built it big enough for…"

I raised my eyebrow as he trailed off. "For what?"

"For the family I hope to have with you."

I held back the tears, though barely. "And what if I say that I still choose Blaine?"

"Then you choose Blaine. And I will sell the cabin, and I will disappear again. But no one who buys this cabin could call it a home, not like we could. And no one would be able to fill it with as much love as we have for each other, even if you don't want to admit it. We could build a life together Finn. I know you want that."

"I do…" I trailed off.

"Tina told me that Blaine proposed to you."

"How did she know?"

"Kurt. And I know I should just leave it be, but she also told me that you didn't give him an answer. That makes me think that you do still care about me."

"Of course I do, Will! I always have! But how can I take the chance that you aren't going to break my heart again? If I lived here with you, I would have to start a whole new life. I would have to quit my job, leave the city I've called my home for the past seven years, and what if things go to hell again? What if you hurt me again?" This time I couldn't hold the tears back.

Will walked up to me, and wiped a tear away, as tears started falling from his own eyes. "Because it would kill me to hurt you again. I never want to let you go. I want to be yours forever."

With that, Will leaned in and my lips met his. I could've pulled away, should have pulled away, but I couldn't. It felt right.

After a minute, we broke the kiss. "I… I have to think about Blaine too," I said.

Will frowned. "Wow, way to kill the mood."

"The man proposed to me Will."

"And I'm proposing to you right now too."

"I know. And I want to say yes, but…"

"But you can't."

"I have to think about this."

"I don't want to let you go."

"I can't just leave Blaine like this. I can't just disappear."

"No one is asking you to."

"Yes you are, Will. You want me to just call him up and dump him, and then we just live happily ever after."

"I never said that."

"Your kiss did. Look, I just… I need time to think."

Will's face dropped. "I guess this wasn't good enough."

"Will, I didn't say that."

"Just… go do your thinking. Maybe I need to do some thinking as well."

I frowned, and touched his arm. "I'm not saying no, Will."

"But you're not saying yes either."

I frowned, went back to my car, and drove away. Will watched me from the porch until I couldn't see him anymore.

**A/N: Horrible place to end the chapter. I know. But only one chapter to go! And, for those wondering about the whole cabin thing; go read the previous two entries into this trilogy, and you'll see I mention the cabin a lot.**


	17. Chapter 17: Could I Have This Dance

**Chapter title inspired by Anne Murray (others have performed the song but hers is the best)**

_All or Nothing – Chapter 17: Could I Have This Dance_

"Woah, woah, woah," Kendall exclaimed, stopping my story. "You just left him at the cabin?"

"Yeah," I said. "I did. I couldn't handle making the decision right then."

"Seems kinda harsh, Dad," Katy said. I shook my head.

"You had to understand where I was coming from. I had just had Blaine propose to me, and Will now wanted me to basically give up the life I had built just for him."

"He was confused as usual," Tina said, chiming in from next to me. I smirked.

"Thanks for that."

"Just helping along the story. Please continue," she smiled.

"Anyways…" I continued my story.

xGLEExGLEExGLEEx

I didn't stop driving until I reached Portland. I couldn't believe Will had put me in this situation. First off, I disappeared for a whole day without telling my possible fiancé the truth, and now Will wanted me to give up everything for him. Not that he wasn't worth it, but it seemed too much. The truth was that I was still scared that he would leave me and I would be left that broken man I was seven years before. He had this effect on me that I couldn't ignore, but I could avoid if I just stopped seeing him all together. Blaine was perfect, if not a little quick to move things to the next level, and I should just be happy with him.

As I pulled up to the townhouse, I saw Tina sitting on my front steps waiting for me. I rolled my eyes, got out of the car, and went to face her.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Because Will called me and told me you had just driven off," she said.

"Well, how did you know I'd just be coming home? Who says I wouldn't have stayed down there and just rented a hotel room?"

"Because I know you, and I know you would have wanted to get as far away from the situation as possible. I just figured you would come home."

"That's great, Tina, that you know me so well. Now why did you help Will with his plan?"

"Because you two are meant to be together."

"Same old song, Tina."

"I like the tune."

"Did you know Blaine proposed to me?"

Tina sipped her Starbucks. "I had heard rumors."

"Kurt?"

"Yeah."

"And you let Will do this anyway?"

"I didn't _let_ Will do anything. He is a grown man, as you well know, and has a mind of his own."

I sat down on the stoop, and she handed me a cup of coffee. "I've missed you," I said, sighing, and taking a sip.

"I've missed you too. It really hurt me the way our friendship fell apart. I'm sorry that you feel that I am adding to some sort of misery by helping Will build the cabin, but I saw how much it meant to him, and how much he wanted you back. I just couldn't say no, especially when I think you belong with him. Would Blaine do anything like that for you?"

"Give him time," I chuckled, and sipped more of the coffee.

"I just want you to consider what Will is offering. He loves you Finn. He truly does. He wants to build a life with you."

We finished our coffees in relative silence, the only break in the quiet being Tina telling me about her newest boyfriend. She hugged me, and drove back to Seattle. I realized then that she truly was my best friend, along with Kurt, since only a best friend would drive four hours just to have coffee with you, and turn right back around, and drive another four hours. I shook my head, sighed, and walked into the townhouse to confront my feelings.

xGLEExGLEExGLEEx

"So what happened?" Kendall and Katy simultaneously said.

I smiled at my daughters, 20 and 17 respectively, stood up, and kissed them each on the foreheads.

"You know the rest," I said. They groaned, and I walked out of the waiting room, and towards his room. I heard Tina start to tell the rest of the story, but I still kept walking, and headed into his room.

"Hey," he quietly groaned from the bed. I smiled, walked over to the chair next to the bed, and rubbed his hand.

"Hey," I kissed his hand.

"How are the girls?"

"Tina and I have been telling them about us. About how we met, fell in love, etc. I can't believe we never told them before."

"I guess we thought it was too dramatic."

I laughed. "Yeah. Well anyways, it has kept their minds off things for a while. It was nice to see them smile."

"Good. They need to smile. I want them to smile." He squeezed my hand. "Where's Kurt?"

"Oh, he had to go into the school today. Couldn't take any more days off without at least making an appearance. But he'll be back later tonight."

"Good. I don't want you to be alone here."

"Always looking out for me."

"It is my job."

I laughed again. "Well I won't be alone. Tina and the girls are here. Plus there's you."

He grimaced. "Yeah. Me."

"Don't say it like that."

"I don't feel like myself. I don't even look like myself."

He was right. The cancer had taken his beautiful curls. He was slow to gray, and just had recently shown his age. But then the cancer hit, and the chemotherapy. He was frail, couldn't stand by himself anymore, and threw up almost everything he ate. I kept a brave face, but I knew when it was time to bring him to the hospital. The girls had been barred from the room unless they could control their tears, as he wanted the room to be a happy one. Eventually after a week, they had managed to control themselves. Tina and Kurt gave him tough love, but really they were scared too. But they kept a brave front for Kendall and Katy, and were a big help when I just wanted to break down.

"I thought this was supposed to be a happy room?" I said.

"I give up."

"Don't say that."

"I don't want to leave you."

I couldn't say that he was wrong. We both knew it was coming.

"I'll be alright."

"That's the first time you've acknowledged it."

"Hush."

"I want you to move on."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Finn."

"Just stop," I said, trying to hold back the tears. "Just rest."

He sighed, and brought his hand to stroke my cheek.

"Will you sing me to sleep?"

"Of course. What song?"

"Our wedding song."

Of course he'd pick that one. I smiled, held on to his hand, as the words started to come out of me.

_I'll always remember the song they were playin',_  
_The first time we danced and I knew,_  
_As we swayed to the music and held to each other,_  
_I fell in love with you._

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_  
_Would you be my partner every night?_  
_When we're together, it feels so right._  
_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

_I'll always remember that magic moment,_  
_When I held you close to me._  
_'Cause we moved together, I knew forever,_  
_You're all I'll ever need_

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_  
_Would you be my partner every night?_  
_When we're together, it feels so right._  
_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

As I entered into the last chorus, I felt it. I felt him slip away from me.

xGLEExGLEExGLEEx

"Finn?" Tina said, as she came up behind me on the deck. I could feel Kurt behind me as well.

"What?" I asked.

"You need to eat," Kurt said.

"I don't need anything."

"Finn, you're scaring us, and you're scaring the girls."

I turned around on them. "I just buried my husband, what do you want from me?" I screamed at them. Brittany, Mike, Burt, Kayla, Kendall, Katy, and Sam all looked at me from inside the cabin. I gave them all a dirty look, and went back to my moping. Tina put a hand on my back.

"We get it, Finn. You are sad. You're angry. You want to blame someone. But there is no one to blame."

"Maybe you should talk to my dad," Kurt said. "I mean, when he lost Carole, I know he was really angry too. Maybe he has a way to cope."

"God you sound just like him," I groaned. "He told me he wanted me to move on."

"You're still young, Finn. You're only 46. You can't spend the rest of your life alone. Kendall is in college, Katy is going to college next year, and you will be in this house by yourself."

"So, what, I'm supposed to just go pick up some random guy?"

"No, of course not!" Tina exclaimed. "But you can't let anger get the best of you. Because if you do, you will be all alone."

I choked back some rage. "Can you both do me a favor?"

"Of course," Kurt said.

"Can you take the girls somewhere tonight? Anywhere. I just want to be alone for a while, and I think the only way they'll leave is if you get them to."

"Maybe you shouldn't be alone," Tina suggested.

"I'm not going to off myself Tina," I laughed. "I just need a moment. I haven't had a moment alone for weeks."

"Okay," Kurt and Tina agreed.

Two hours later, the last of the guests had left, and I was alone on the deck. I turned, and walked through our living room. Pictures of our family on the wall. We adopted Kendall just three months after we got married, and Kayla was the product of surrogacy. She had my eyes, and Brittany's hair. He was okay with that, and we had always planned to have another, but with him as the dad, but we never got around to it. Mom and Burt had moved in with us because Mom had started having health issues, and Burt was having issues taking care of Kayla while also taking care of Mom. Mom died when Katy was only five. Burt then moved in with Kurt and Sam, who had gotten married two years prior. Tina lived just down the street from us, and was the mother figure for the girls, since Brit lived five hours away, and only saw us on holidays and birthdays. Tina had never gotten married, and we referred to her as our wife. I chuckled at all the family photos that included us, Tina, Kurt, Sam, Kayla, Brit, Burt, Katy, and Kendall. We had really built a family. Now it was my job to keep it together.

He made all my dreams come true, I thought as I looked around the kitchen. So many holiday dinners cooked there, and so many more to come, I made myself promise. Nothing would change, except that he wouldn't be there to carve the turkey anymore. I guess that was my job now too.

I shuffled to the bedroom. Our bedroom. I hadn't slept there since he died. I hadn't been able to bring myself to. I slept on the couch instead. That brought even more concerned looks from everyone, but I didn't care. They didn't understand. Well, maybe Burt did, but it was still different.

I sighed, and walked back through the living room. I walked out the front door, to the front deck, which brought back memories of the first time I had been here. The letter that brought me here, and his face. His hopeful face. Looking back, I can't believe I drove away that day, but it only took me until the next morning to realize who I belonged with. I showed back up, bags in hand, shrugged, and we kissed. We made love all night, into the morning, and then he proposed. He told me he never wanted to leave me again. And yet he had.

I went back to the fireplace, and took a photo of us off the mantle. I sat down on the couch, and tears started falling. He had left me, again. I knew it was different. I knew that he had no control over it. I still hated him for it though. But I had to keep going. I had my girls. I had my family. I made him a promise, and I was going to keep going for him. My Will.

**A/N: Okay, so, this was really much more difficult to write than I had planned. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, especially MrsTripTucker as they were with me from the beginning. I hope I did you all justice with the ending. Please check out my Dave/Sam fic, **_**Head Over Feet**_**, and stay tuned, as I have more Glee fics in mind for the future!**

**BTW: I know I never said what happened to Blaine. Um… he went to Paris… yeah Paris… and was never heard from again. Lol. (I really don't hate Blaine, and in fact, have mad mad mad crazy love for Darren Criss, but for the purposes of this story, I had to). **


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